Friday, April 1, 2011

Dear Mom...




Dear Mom,

It has been 5 very long years since you left this world. So many things have changed since you have gone. Raymond and I have been married for 6 years now, can you believe that? We are a family of eight now, too, I know- unbelievable! We have three children that you have never met, and after five darling boys, we finally have a little girl. We have missed you so much, and we wish you could have celebrated so many occasions with us. There have been so many birthdays, Christmases, Easters, and just plain days that I truly wish you could have been here for.

I still remember the most terrible phone call I have ever gotten, it was sometime in the early morning hours of April 1st. The irony of your ring tone, Pearl Jam's "Alive", when my mind finally settled after the news came. The overwhelming information and the confusion I felt while trying to let it all sink in left me nauseous and numb. I remember not believing it all... hoping it was all a terrible April Fools joke. No, my mother cannot be dead....she just can't.

I do have to say it is a little bit easier now. I still miss you, and I think about you very often. The fact that you are no longer with us is more real now, but it still hurts. I wish I knew what really happened, so that there was a little more closure, but I will always be questioning what happened that night.

If you did commit suicide, I hope you have found your peace. If you were the victim of an act of violence, I can only hope that the one who harmed you gets the punishment they deserve. So until we meet again, if that is possible, I leave with these words.

I miss you Mom, I wish you were here.
You're Daughter,
Jenilee


RIP Lisa Marie Genson 3/8/1965-4/1/2006

2 fantastic comments:

Skye said...

:(
I lost my mommy too. almost 5 years ago as well..
It stinks that we dont have our mommys here to watch us be mommys and be proud.

LadyGen said...

I lost my mom in a very different way, but I do so understand the loss you feel. It's been just more than 8 years since she passed. She didn't get to meet my husband, meet my children. But she lived 11 years past her fatal diagnosis of breast cancer. She was so scared her children (5&6) wouldn't remember her, so she fought tooth and nail. But even knowing she would die someday too soon, I never seemed to realize that meant I would never again have a mommy. That person to go to, to laugh with, to understand completely, and that would love me so unconditionally. It's amazing how hard it can be to lose a mom... and that makes me want to be the best mom I can be, for as long as my boys will have me.

Sorry for monologuing, but I wanted you to know you're far from along in missing your mom...

 
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